Cry For Me, My Lovely
by F8WUZL8
Summary: A series of drabbles, updated every once in awhile, mostly of the LxLight and LightxL  pairing.  Because I have no life and only enough talent to last 300-400 words. Thirty-three: I'd give an arm...
1. Lullaby

**Alrighty then. I wrote this cool bunch of drabbles because I have no life and only enough talent to last... oh... say 300-400 words at a time. So now I'm going to post them in this little drabble series, three a week (monday-wednesday-friday), and maybe people will like them. Most of them will probably be LxLight pairing. They'll be a mixture of romance and angst and stuff.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**So here's the first :)**

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><p>1. Lullaby<p>

L sleeps like a child. Light wakes up in the middle of the night to the feeling of something digging into his calf. It was L's bony knee, and Light's drowsy-eyed gaze travels from the stray limb and up the motionless body to the sleeping detective's eyelids. L's face is half pressed into his own forearm, breathing through his open mouth and probably drooling on himself.

L sleeps like a child. Light lets out a breath when he realizes it is L and L is sleeping, but the breath turns into a sigh and causes L's eyes to shoot open. Light flinches. This reminds him of a horror film.

L sleeps like a child. "Light-kun?"

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"I-" L's voice is soft, and if Light didn't know any better he might think the detective was frightened, "I haven't yet caught Kira, correct?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

L sighs, almost with relief. "Oh." He doesn't say more.

Light reaches over and tucks a piece of hair behind L's ear. "You're tired."

"Yes."

"Go back to sleep."

L only stares at Light. His face is emotionless but his eyes are wet. Almost.

Light begins humming the first song that comes to mind- Frere Jaques- and waits for L to close his eyes.

L sleeps like a child. Or, perhaps he is a child, and pretends to be a man when awake.

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><p><strong>So what did you think? I hope you liked it! Please review! And follow the story! I love to hear from you guys!<strong>


	2. Piggybank

**Okay... so I have next to no self control ^.^ I just had to post the second one today. My logic: I posted the first on a Sunday, so if I made people wait till Wednesday for the next, I would lose fans because they'd forget about me.**

**Also... the first one was an angsty drabble. I'm planning on posting fun or one-character stuff Mondays and Wednesdays, and then a big angsty romantic one every Friday to tide you over till Monday again. So the first post was your Friday one. Now, for Monday, **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So here's the second :)**

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><p>2. Piggybank<p>

The plan is perfect. Light will hide a mini-television inside a bag of potato chips, along with a piece of the Death Note, and he will write down names while enjoying his snack and pretending to study. The only snag is the price of the mini-television, which must be bought in cash to avoid leaving digital footprints.

Light glances up at his shelves and a ceramic pig stares back, defiantly.

The money Yagami Light has saved all of his childhood will pay for an electronic device that will only be used once.

(For ultimate power, we must emotionally distance ourselves from times in which we were powerless.)

As the tenth coin plunks out of the pig's stomach, Light thinks that there shouldn't be any more money in the piggybank. But Light is not young, he is eighteen, and the coins rain for hours.

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><p><strong>So what did you think? It was kinda short, yes, but I think I conveyed my point. Critiques welcome!<strong>


	3. Winners and Losers

**Hello, again! Originally this was going to be a different drabble, but I decided to postpone that one because...well, it's complicated. But I think this one is a good one. I hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So here's the third :)**

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><p>3. Winners and Losers<p>

Light and L are fighting again. They fight more and more often now, and if you mapped the frequency of their fighting there would be an obvious change in amount ever since a certain date. That day is very important, but we will not be addressing that. Instead we will address the two different outcomes of these fights.

If L ends up on top, and Light is glaring fiercely up at him but accepting the futility of fighting back, then L has won. When L wins, he removes himself from Light, and then takes advantage of a thing called "bragging rights" for the next however many days until the next fight.

When Light wins... it is much more dangerous. Because Light physically forces struggling L to stay still while Light wraps the chain around his arms, effectively immobilizing him, and grins smugly before saying, "So, how do you plan to bargain for your release?"

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><p><strong>(<em>devilish grin<em>) R+R!**


	4. Rest

** Hello, again! Here's the angsty Friday one! I hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So here's the fourth :)**

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><p>4. Rest<p>

"If it is any consolation," L says calmly once they enter the limo and settle down after the Interpol meeting, "You have a higher IQ than them."

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki." Light snaps.

"And, if they understood your situation they might not have said what they did."

"They were talking about my execution, L! They- they wanted you to kill me. They said it right in front of my face! 'Just to be safe..'," Light growls before speaking in a voice high with anger, "Those bastards have no respect for human life."

L says nothing while Light rants, and Light feels like he is being ignored so he hits L on the arm, "Hey? Aren't you listening to me?"

"You are a hypocrite, Light-kun." L says softly.

The heated anger drains from Light's system, "What?"

"If it were anyone else, you would be on Interpol's side."

Light sighs, distraught, because he knows L is right. He leans his head against the back of the seat as the limo lurches, and he closes his eyes. Then he says, in an almost miserable voice, "But this is my life..."

There is silence for a few moments and then L's fingertips brush Light's.

"I won't let them hurt you, Light-kun."

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><p><strong>If you're out there, my readers, please drop a review! (Luv you recca!)<strong>


	5. Preparation

** Hello, again! Here's the fabulous fifth! I hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So here's the fifth :)**

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><p>5. Preparation<p>

L has known Wedy for a long time, Light thinks, so it makes sense that they would be comfortable around each other. That's the only logical explanation.

Because, in front of Light's very eyes, L is flirting with Wedy.

L._ Flirting_.

Maybe it's not flirting. Light chews on his thumbnail nervously as Wedy enters the room. Maybe he's just in a good mood, or something.

"Hello, Wedy." L says coolly before looking up, because L just _knows_ when she's around, it seems. When he does look up, Light sees L raises an eyebrow slightly, "You look nearly unrecognizable. Did you change your hair?"

Wedy says something in response, which Light misses because they're speaking in English (It's as if they are sharing secret messages that Light has to translate) and Light's having a hard time thinking.

The modelesque thief walks past and Light catches a whiff of her _perfect_ perfume while L catches a glance at her_ perfect_...Wedy looks down at the detective and winks conspiratorially and Light feels nauseous.

Wedy grabs L's chin and pulls the detective further forward than he was already leaning, putting her head near his ear and whispering something to him. He then whispers something back, his nose burying in her hair as he does so. Light's fist clenches. Wedy giggles. L says something else.

"Oh, _stop_ it!" Wedy hits L lightly upside the head and L is grinning!

Why couldn't Light have been a native born English speaker? Would L be more comfortable around him if Light was?

Wedy gave L a peck on the cheek before rushing away to work on cracking Yotsuba, and L looked up at Light with excited, childish eyes before turning back to his own work. Light snarled at Wedy's back before turning to his own work, his thoughts a whirlwind.

_How_ did Wedy make L _blush_?

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><p><strong>Hey, guys! Sorry for the wait but I couldn't post earlier (plus the document manager's being a b*tch and messing with my head O.o) What did you think of this one? Drop a review, please :) <strong>


	6. Brood

** Hello, again! Here's the snazzy sixth! I hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the sixth :)**

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><p>6. Brood<p>

"L, I would like to speak with you concerning your relationship with Raito-san."

L doesn't look up from the paper he is oh-so-diligently reading, "Yes, Watari? What is it?"

"I have been watching the security tapes recently."

L's shoulders tense. Watari wishes he could kneel down in front of L, or put a hand on his shoulder like a proper guardian, but L is of age and Watari is the butler and L does not like to be touched.

Supposedly.

"It seems like there is a period of tape in Raito-san's room from eleven to noon yesterday that matches, minute for minute, three to four in the afternoon today. This makes me suspicious that the tapes have been tampered with."

"Perhaps," L mutters to the paper, "Raito-kun simply has a very consistent schedule."

"Very funny," Watari says, not at all amused. "But, see, the security cameras are password-protected, and the only people who know the password are you and I. I have not been tampering with the tapes."

L says nothing. Watari sits awkwardly in the chair next to L and L doesn't look up.

"L, you believe Raito-san is a psychopath, correct?"

L nods.

"Well, if that is true, then there are some things Raito-san is capable of doing that I don't dare imagine."

"My relationship with Yagami-kun is strictly platonic."

"I know what is going on, L."

Finally L looks up with wide, innocent eyes, and the old man's heart breaks.

"May I be frank?" asks Watari.

L doesn't look away.

"He may be taking advantage of you."

L's eyes narrow and he looks down. "I can handle myself, Watari."

"I know." says Watari, "But... if you need to talk..." That is silly. L won't come to Watari to talk because L is L.

Watari stands up and doesn't hug L and doesn't kiss his forehead because L is of age and Watari is the butler and L doesn't like to be touched- supposedly.

"I am here for you." Watari begins exiting the room.

"Thank you for worrying, Watari." L says softly.

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><p><strong>What did you think? I know L is completely uke-fied... but, as you may know by this point, I prefer writing him this way XD. Thanks to Ratt9, SasuHika, Arya May, ScarlytteNightshade, and my most wonderful friend Bekeyboo for their recent reviews! I really appreciate everyone's comments!<strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	7. Choke

** Hello, again! Here's Friday! I hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the seventh :)**

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><p>7. Choke<p>

Light is there when L chokes on a piece of cake at three in the morning. The violent hacking wakes him up, and he sits up sleepily and watches L curl into himself. L is coughing, and the coughs make his whole body convulse, accentuating his shoulder blades and spine through the white cotton t-shirt.

Light thinks that is he was Kira he would enjoy watching L in something resembling death throes, but Light is not Kira and every cough tugs at Light's heart and makes him worry for the frail man's life.

He puts a hand on L's back to keep the detective from crashing into the wall behind him, and puts his other hand on L's shoulder to keep him still as his coughing fit continues.

A few minutes later the coughing dies down, and L, bleary-eyed and trembling from the sudden exhaustion, falls back against Light. Light wraps an arm around his small frame, and with the other hand Light shuts and moves the forgotten laptop to the bedside table so that L can sleep.

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><p><strong>Meh. As you may see, I absolutely <em>love<em> writing sleepy!L or sick!L or uke!L. But I have a feeling that it will be my downfall as a writer because its so OOC and there's no plot actually involved... idk. I wish I could draw these drabbles instead of write them, they're so much prettier and wonderful-er in my head! **

**Drop a review, please :)**


	8. Engage

**Hi everyone! The review reply feature has been completely screwy and wont let me reply to reviews, so I would like to thank Ratt9, bekeyboo, lauradisenchanted, "Lawli" (who may or may not be someone I know in real life), and SasuHika for their fabulous wonderful amazing comments and readership! Love you guys! And also the newbies who put me on their subscriptions list!**

**Here's something new! I hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the eighth :)**

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><p>8. Engage<p>

Aiber is grinning madly and laughing like a hyena and has gone way too far by the time Light starts screaming, because Light is proud of the self control he's been building up in L's constant presence. No one really knows how the argument started, but Aiber has a talent for pushing people's buttons and Light's normally pristine composure is breaking.

L looks up from work when Light yells something along the lines of "Shut up, you bastard!" and Aiber gives some French equivalent of the middle finger, and says, "Bite me, pretty boy." This isn't the first time they've fought (L always grabs Light before the younger man actually hits Aiber).

"Light-" L says calmly but he is cut off by Aiber.

"Come on, you can come up with better comebacks than this!"

"You want to _fight_ me, Frenchie?"

"_Gladly!_"

"Light," L says again, because this is all fun and games for Aiber but there's something unidentifiable in Light's eyes...

"Come and_ get_ me, Yagami!" Aiber is right next to the hot teapot, L can see where this is going but Light is too distracted. Aiber launches tea at Light, and Light's shirt gets soaked in the boiling liquid.

To his credit, Light doesn't cry out. He pauses, and L almost thinks that maybe Light will figure out the futility of this and walk away.

"Light, please." L says from behind him.

Then Light screams something inarticulate, his face contorted in rage, and launches himself at Aiber. L holds him back, and Aiber laughs and says something about how Light's lucky "your_ boyfriend_ was here to keep you from getting your _face_ punched in", but L is bodily dragging Light back to the elevators by then and so he ignores that comment.

By the time they get to the bedroom, Light hasn't calmed down in the least. His face is all red and he is panting heavily.

"That was stupid of you." L says emptily, because he knows Light needs to hurt someone and it might as well be someone who will forgive him afterwards.

"DAMN IT!" Light stands up angrily and throws a fist at L, who easily blocks but doesn't punch back. Light takes a step forward and L takes a step back, another punch is thrown and blocked, and then another, and another...

"Light, give it up."

With a strangled scream, Light tries to get a punch at L's face but L grabs his fist out of the air and twists it, and Light yelps before falling to his knees.

L wonders at the notion of Light,_ Light_, acting so vulnerable.

Uncertainty marking his movements, L kneels down next to Light and puts a hand on the younger man's trembling shoulder. Light looks up and suddenly grabs L, wrapping his arms around the detective and gasping into his neck, shaking. L keeps him from falling and hesitantly matches Light's arms, embracing him.

"Fire him, L." Light sobs, "Damn it, just fire him."

"You know I can't do that, Light-kun."

"But-"

"Light, what did he say that made you like this?"

Light's hair is very, very soft underneath L's fingertips, L thinks.

"It's not important." Light mumbles bitterly and tightens his grip around L's body.

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><p><strong>Ah, this one was interesting to write. Originally this was going to be L fighting with Wedy, but then I figured that was unrealistic so instead them hitting each other I wrote them hitting <em>on<em> each other :) (hence "Preparation"). So, instead, I wrote Light and Aiber fighting. This is what I LOVE about Aiber, that he is just such a minor character in the series that you can make him whoever you want. It's fun :)**

**Also, infer what you will about what Aiber said to spark a fight with Light. (could it have been something about Light's "boyfriend"? ^-^)**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	9. Rhythm

**Hi everyone! The review reply feature is still completely screwed up, so thanks to everyone who reviewed :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the eighth :)**

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><p>9. Rhythm<p>

As L drums his fingers against the table, Light watches with awe. Light's mother had discouraged Light from ever developing a twitch like this, and the idea of tapping fingers against the table absentmindedly like L is beyond him. Not to mention, L is ignoring Light, and Light doesn't like to be ignored. So, due to utter boredom, Light tries it.

L taps.

Light taps back.

L taps again.

Light taps again.

L suddenly taps rapidly for a minute or two, and Light stares at him, blankly.

(.. / .-.. - ...- . / -.- - ..- -..- / .-.. .. -. ... - -...- -.- ..- -. .-.-.-)

L looks at Light strangely, "You don't know Morse code?"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

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><p><strong>Look up the Morse code in a Morse code de-translator :) Actually, you might have already guessed it, it's kinda obvious. L is so sweet!<strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	10. Sort Of

**Hi everyone! Most of you were freaking out on Wednesday because the morse code de-translators weren't working, so, for the record, L taps "I love you, Light-kun."**

**The review reply feature is still completely screwed up, so thanks to everyone who reviewed :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the tenth :)**

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><p>10. Sort of<p>

You first kissed him yesterday, and so you don't know how you got here so fast. But here you are, and here he goes. His breath is hot on your face like a dog's panting, but it smells like sugar instead of dead rats. His hands are in your hair and grabbing onto handfuls of it, reigning you in, pulling you back to him, again. His half-lidded eyes close as he kisses you, but you don't close your eyes. How can you? You're too tired to even pretend to like the feeling of him so close, let alone enjoy his constant company. You kiss him back but it's not open-mouthed and your lips only move ever-so-slightly, more like the kiss of a married middle-aged man than a teenager. It's nothing exciting. It's not like you don't love him (you do, he is an angel), but you feel guilty every time you kiss him. He's never been in a relationship. You took all his firsts in less than a day. And, as if the guilt wasn't exhausting enough, now he's like a puppy. Never been pet before, but now that he's felt it once it's as if it's all the world to him, and for the past twenty-four hours he's been constantly "rubbing up against your feet," constantly expecting to feel your affection in new and exciting ways. He wants and wants and wants.

You want, too. You want the feeling of his hands in your hair and his breath on your face. But you also want him. You want his quirky eccentricities and his bland comments on your attire. You want him to be the same person he was two days ago, with the added bonus of being in love with you.

You don't want him to be so inhumanly desperate.

Of course, it doesn't work that way. And now he's staring up at you with that heart-shattering _'Did I do something wrong?'_ expression. _'No, no, you didn't do anything wrong,'_ you want to say, _'it's me...'_

He scoots away and bites his thumb, eyebrows pulled up in worry as he stares at the carpet. "I'm sorry," he mumbles.

You don't want him to be so inhumanly desperate, but he's desperate _for you._ How can you deny him when he is desperate for you?

You take a deep breath (because this is your last breath of fresh air) and say, "No, don't be sorry. You're an angel." You smile even though it's obviously fake and he is so thirsty for your love that he believes it, nuzzling lovingly into your side as your arms wrap around him and you kiss his hair. Even though you've been touching him for hours and hours, he doesn't get tired of it.

He loves _you_.

"I love you." you say, and you make sure he hears, because you know that will make him feel wonderful. And, anyway, it is true. Sort of.

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><p><strong>This one was based on the Ingrid Michaelson song "Sort Of", which is AMAZING, by the way. And I've been waiting to post this one for so long, so I hope you guys like it :)<strong>

**Also, I think that next week I will be posting a five-chapter arc about what might've happened if Watari died, naturally, earlier on than he did in canon. It kinda sucks now, but I'll be editing it :) What do you think?**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	11. Freeze

**The review reply feature is still completely screwed up, so thanks to everyone who reviewed :) Especially Ratt9 and NicoleFrexGeax, your compliments really made my day :) (and you too, recca, you know I love you ^.^)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the eleventh :)**

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><p>11. Freeze<p>

Right before the Kira investigators were going to implement their plan to catch the third Kira (Higuchi), something happened which changed the destiny of the investigation; a man called Watari died.

Misa Amane discovered the body. She had been screaming at the security cameras in her room for half an hour for Watari, who manned both the cameras and the electronic locks on Misa's door, to let her out of her room. Frustrated and close to tears (because she, Misa Amane, was being kept locked in her room like a rotten child when she hadn't even done anything wrong), Misa phoned Light. He picked up on the third ring. The chained boys arrived at her door a dreadful fifteen minutes later, and, after being freed, Misa took off in the direction of the elderly man's office to give him a piece of her mind. The boys followed, probably to make sure she didn't do anything dumb.

(Misa noted in passing that, for once in all of the time she had known him, Ryuuzaki actually appeared interested in something beyond the realm of his own mind.)

Ryuuzaki and Light watched from down the hallway as Misa stomped into Watari's office yelling something sharply. Suddenly, the girl let out a horrified scream and the two boys rushed in after her.

Light checked the fallen man's (nonexistent) pulse while Misa shifted uncomfortably in the corner, torn between running back to her room screaming and worrying about Ryuuzaki (because wasn't he close to Watari?).

Ryuuzaki hadn't said anything, though, and he seemed perfectly composed, so Misa opted for the former and didn't come out of her room for a few hours. (Everyone deserves to be cried for, and goodness knows Ryuuzaki wasn't going to do it).

...

Light looked up from the body to L, "Do you think it was Kira?"

"There is an eleven percent chance, but I can't be sure until I watch the security footage." L's voice was level, and Light was surprised the detective hadn't reacted (but should he be surprised?).

Light stood up in front of L, whose gaze was unfocused but in the general direction of Watari's corpse. Light tried to hug him, because wasn't that what he was supposed to do, given his relationship with the mourner?

L violently shoved him away, "What are you doing?"

"I-" Light stuttered, because L was glaring at him.

"Do I somehow appear to need an expression of love at this moment, standing over the body of a dead man? Do I appear sad to you, Light-kun?" L asked emptily, "Or are you again making stereotypical assumptions?"

"L..." Light can't say more. He wasn't stupid; he knew what L was doing.

"I am fine." L says, "We must alert the task force, and then go over the security footage to identify the cause of death."

...

L was crouched in front of the computer, watching the footage from the previous night at twice the normal speed (though Watari's movements were still sluggish, even sped up), watching for signs- any signs,- that the man on the screen would be dead before sunrise.

Light couldn't bring himself to watch the tapes: one because it scared Light to see a dead man walking (Light's never been one for spectres), and also because he was too fascinated by L (How can L bear to watch these tapes? Shouldn't he be grieving?)

"L,"

"Light-kun, please call me Ryuuzaki."

"L!" Light grabbed L's shoulder and tried to turn him to face Light, but L shirked off the hand and didn't break his eyes from the screen.

"Damn it!" Light, before L could stop him, jabbed a finger into the power button on the computer monitor.

L didn't look away from the dark monitor.

Light yelled, "How can you do this? How can you act like you don't care?"

"I was not in a close relationship with Watari."

"The hell, you were!" Light said, "You're a coward, you know that? You're terrified of feeling pain."

"Call me what you wish, Light-kun." L muttered before flicking the monitor back on.

…

After the funeral (which L didn't attend), the task force chased and captured the third Kira, but Higuchi committed suicide before they could arrest him, and his car spontaneously combusted.

_TO BE CONTINUED_

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><p><strong>Here's the beginning of the promised five chappie arc. I know it's not fabulous or anything, the words are plain... but I wrote these five for plot and plot alone. It suddenly struck me how much the story would've changed had Watari died. Remember, Higuchi tried to kill himself with a gun? No, of course you don't, because <em>Watari friggin SNIPED it out of his hand! <em>So Higuchi would've died, for starters. Then, without Higuchi telling them about the notebook, they would never find the Death Note (well, I had to help a little, hence his car spontaneously combusting), so that solves the Rem problem. Also, Light would never get his memories back.**

**And, of course, there's the LightxL h/c action. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it ;)**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	12. Cold

**The review reply feature is still completely screwed up, so thanks to everyone who reviewed :) Today's is sort of a songfic but its part of the Watari arc. I hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twelfth :)**

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><p>12. Cold<p>

_"Once I made a man all out of snow,_  
><em>He had the darkest eyes and a button nose.<em>  
><em>I told him all my secrets and my fears,<em>  
><em>And he just listened with a snowy ear."<em>

Misa was singing. She was not a good singer, not even slightly, because her voice was too high and she didn't articulate and she couldn't hold notes for very long. But she was bored.  
>She knew she was being watched, on cameras, by the investigators downstairs and Ryuuzaki- and Light, of course. She was singing to Light.<p>

But it really didn't make sense for her to sing this song to Light. Surely she could've come up with an overly romantic song for him, or even something sexual? Something to express her feelings? This was not romantic at all. Its somber lyrics and sweet sounding melody, however, fit Misa's mood.

_"But when I came around the next day_  
><em>My friend had gone and melted all away,"<em>

Perhaps she was being melodramatic, but Misa didn't think she should think about Light while singing this song because Light didn't fit the image Misa had in her head. Light hadn't suffered loss. Not like...

Ryuuzaki had felt loss. Ryuuzaki had been suffering since he lost Watari.

Or at least, it seemed to Misa he had been suffering. It's not as if Ryuuzaki admitted his feelings to anyone.

_"I saw his eyes were lying on the ground_  
><em>And I made a sound that was something like crying."<em>

Misa leaned back into the lonely couch in her room as she sang, and thought to herself what a melodramatic bitch she was. It wasn't like her to be sad, and sweet, and "beautiful" instead of "pretty".

She didn't feel she had a right to act so... pensive, after acting so airheaded all her life. Maybe she was still acting airheaded. Maybe she was acting somber for attention.

_"Oh... one day you will go away from this."_

But then she thought deeper. Perhaps, because she was dwelling on her own thoughts, she was more of a bitch than if she wasn't thinking at all. The self analyzing was melodramatic and bitchy in itself.

_"One day you will know_  
><em>We're men of snow;<em>  
><em>We melt one day."<em>

Or perhaps she was being a bitch by thinking so hard in the first place. Shouldn't she have been pouring her heart and soul into this song?

She needed to dedicate herself. She needed to sing to someone, and not Light.

To Ryuuzaki, of course.

_"Winters come, my love, the winters go,"_

Ryuuzaki was Misa's snow man.

_"And time stacks up in piles like winter snow._  
><em>And everything you love and hold so dear<em>  
><em>Won't really matter when we disappear."<em>

His snow white skin and dark eyes, dark eyes which lie on the ground more than they look to the sky. Ryuuzaki had been something of a younger brother to Misa (he was older, actually, but he didn't act his age), but Watari's death had melted him into an empty shell of a person.

He had lost his appetite for sweets, and was even thinner and more sickly looking each passing day.

_"Oh... one day you will go away from this."_

And Misa had never even offered her condolences.

Misa stood up and walked out of her room and towards the elevators with a feeling of firm resolve.

_"One day you will know"_

She stopped singing aloud as she walked towards the investigation room. Misa entered and Ryuuzaki looked up at her curiously, because why would Misa leave her rooms for this dreary place? No one else was paying attention, not even Light.

"Amane-san?"

Misa nearly toppled him off the chair with the force of her hug.

_"We're men of snow;"_

She let go of him a few seconds later but let a hand linger on his shoulder as he stared at her, looking a bit frazzled but no worse for wear. There weren't positive emotions in his eyes, but there weren't negative emotions either so at least that was good. "Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes, Amane-san?"

"I need you to promise me something."

His head tilted a bit to the left, wide eyes still locked on hers calmly. "If it is in my power."

"Well... you see, the weather man- that is, the weather man on the Sakura TV channel so he may or may not be reliable..."

"Yes? What is it?"

"He said it will probably snow over the weekend."

Ryuuzaki glanced around as if to, naturally, look out a window, but there were no windows to this room and it wasn't supposed to snow until Saturday anyway. "Interesting."

"You have to promise me you and Light will come to the roof to make snowmen with me!"

_"We melt one day."_

Ryuuzaki's eyes glazed over as if witnessing a memory and Misa awkwardly let go of his more-bony-than-usual shoulder. When he returned to earth, Ryuuzaki whispered, "Yes... I think I can promise you that."

Misa went back to her cage, singing.

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><p><strong>So what do you guys think? I like this one, especially the song "Men of Snow" (it's also from Ingrid Michaelson.)<strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	13. Melt

**The review reply feature is still completely screwed up, so thanks to everyone who reviewed :) You guys are the REASON I WRITE and I love you all!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the thirteenth :)**

* * *

><p>13. Melt<p>

_Raindrops on roses are fine, but teardrops on eyelashes mean so much more._

"Ryuuzaki, you _need_ a jacket."

"I'm fine, Light-kun."

"But-"

Misa ran up to them from across the roof, black boots making thumping noises on the concrete and crunching in the snow. "Isn't it wonderful, Light? The snow is so_ beautiful!_"

Light gave a noncommittal grunt, still staring suspiciously at the back of L's thin white T-shirt as the detective followed Misa across the roof. Light followed- he didn't like the cold, but he was chained to someone who apparently had no problem with low temperatures (nor fear of frostbite, Light noted, as L shoved a ghostly-pale hand into a snowbank experimentally).

Misa had, apparently, already been out here for awhile (even stupid Misa was appropriately clothed), as there was a foot-high snow man and snow woman off to the side, complete with doll clothing and expensive sunglasses. She was making a third, as well, except this one seemed considerably smaller, and Light could only suspect this was a snow-baby. Misa beckoned for Light to join her, but Light did not want to make snow-babies with Misa, so he gestured to the chain attaching himself to a bewildered-looking detective, and Misa made a sad face but then went back to her sculpting.

"Light-kun?"

Light jumped before realizing it was L's voice (L, who Light had been sure was standing at least five feet away but had, apparently, moved), and turned to face the other man.

"Did you make snowmen as a child, Light-kun?"

"Er... no, but Sayu did. Why?"

"Did you ever stage elaborate deaths for Sayu's snowmen?"

"Wha-" Light chuckled, "What do you mean?"

"Answer the question, Light-kun." L said, in complete seriousness.

Light grinned, "No, I'm afraid I did not. If this is some ploy to psycho-analyze me, you must be rather desperate."

"I am just curious, Light-kun." L said, walking away towards Misa and sounding rather offended, "I had a friend, once, who did such a thing."

Light felt a strange feeling slip into his stomach, "I thought you said I was your first friend?" he said as he unwillingly followed.

L stopped walking, suddenly, and Light nearly bumped into him. "I suppose I did, didn't I? Well... this boy wasn't exactly a friend, then. Acquaintance, if you will. He was an undiagnosed schizophrenic, and rejected my company most of the time, so our relationship was rather one-sided." L looked back to Light, "He was an interesting person, Light-kun, I think you might've liked him."

"I'm sure," Light laughed. "That is, until he runs at me with a knife."

"I fail to see the humor in that."

Misa greeted them angrily, looking very frustrated with the deformed lump of snow in her hands. L inquired as to what was wrong before Light could respond.

"My snow-person isn't turning out quite as I wanted it to." Misa's face suddenly changed from frustrated to giddy so fast that it couldn't possibly be real, "But that's okay, I'll make a snow-puppy instead!" she squealed, "And you can help me, Light!"

"I'll pass."

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Anything for Amane-san." L crouched in the snow, further coating his oversized jeans in the wet material. Misa showed him how to make a snowball and he, with his bare fingers, did as he was told.

This left Light to stand awkwardly to the side, desperate to go back into the building but not sure why. After a few moments of deep thought, Light attributed his anxiety to the cold.

When Misa started making barking noises, Light looked down to see they had finished the snow-animal. "Look, Light!" Misa exclaimed, "I made a snow-Light and a snow-Misa and a snow-puppy! Aren't they so cute?"

No, Light wanted to say, they actually look quite lopsided.

"What do you think we should name the snow-puppy?"

L's head whipped up, "Aiber." he offered.

Misa giggled, "No, Ryuuzaki, that would be so mean!" she grinned, "We should name it Snuggles-san! Don't you think so, Light?"

"Uh... yeah, okay." Light was distracted, because he just noticed L's fingers were turning blue.

"Or maybe something more... fancy?" Misa suggested.

Light kneeled next to Misa and L, feigning curiosity for Misa's name choice in order to get a better look at L without raising suspicion. "What do you mean by fancy?" Light asked. L had snow on his hands that_ wasn't melting._

"Light, if you had to name a dog, what would you name it?" Misa asked.

"Er... I don't know, Spot?"

"You could name it Eraldo Coil." L suggested with a small smirk that Misa missed.

"Hmm..." Misa thought aloud. "No... something more British? Ryuuzaki, do you know any good British names?"

"No. I don't." L muttered. He was looking away.

If possible, it was suddenly colder.

"You, Light?"

"Not really." He didn't quite know what the question was.

"Hmm..." Misa mumbled.

L's hands were shaking, and Light was drowning in his own anxiety.

"Then I guess it will be Snuggles-"

"Quillish Wammy." It was a breathy whisper, and L's eyes were covered by his hair. Now his whole body was trembling.

"What was that?" Misa asked innocently. "Wammy... Quillish Wammy?"

"Light-kun?" L said, much louder and calmer than before, "I would like to go inside, now. It is very cold."

"Sure. Definitely."

They walked back to the stairs and the doors closed behind them, leaving Misa alone on the roof, cooing at her new snow-dog Mr. Wammy.

Light watched L carefully, because Light has known L a long time and so Light should know what the detective is going to do next. He should know when L will finally break under the weight of his own emotions.

But Light doesn't know.

L's face is turned away from Light, and his fingers are forming shaky fists.

Then, realization dawns on Light.

"Is Wammy-"

"Yes." L cuts him off.

"But I thought you..." Light trailed off. _I thought you weren't hurt. I thought you refused to feel pain._

Light doesn't know until he sees a tear trail down L's face.

"L-" he says softly.

L grips at Light's shirt and buries his face in Light's shoulder, teeth bared in emotional pain, and Light holds him tightly. He didn't know how L would take Watari's death, but Light had known this had been coming. And L is going through his own process of mourning, so everything will be alright.

Right?

"Ryuuzaki, you're cold as death!"

"L-Light-kun," L sobs in English, which Light only barely catches because L is stuttering so much, "I d-didn't know where Watari k-kept the winter jack-kets..."

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><p><strong>GAH! I'm not really one to have a huge ego (that's totally a lie, my ego stretches the entire width of the US + both oceans.) BUT I am <em>obsessed<em> with that last line. That's literally, for me, a big acco****mplishment, cause, to me, it's the only thing that makes this different from a huge OOC emo-fest. So yeah. It made it more real for me. I'm proud of that.**

**ANYWAY I hope you guys like this arc, and there's more to come (two more, to be exact). I LOVE YOU ALL 3**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	14. Puddle

**The review reply feature is still completely screwed up, so thanks to everyone who reviewed :) You guys are the REASON I WRITE and I love you all!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the fourteenth :)**

* * *

><p>14. Puddle<p>

Shortly after leaving the roof, L collapsed into a shivering mess because he was in below freezing temperatures for far too long without appropriate clothing. Light, still in a state of shock from L acting human, for once, transported the incoherent detective back to their shared bedroom, wrapping him in comforters in the hopes of bringing his temperature back up again.

And Light sat there. And sat there. And waited.

He couldn't leave L here, sleeping, for multiple reasons, but most importantly because he was worried about L. The bereaved man hadn't yet said anything to Light about Watari when he collapsed. The months leading up to this event had led Light to think that L may be suffering from more than hypothermia at this moment.

But L would reject Light's pity. That, Light could be sure of.

So Light could only sit and wait until the detective woke up, and work with what L gave him. If L didn't want to talk, Light wouldn't talk to him.

Light thought for a moment, and then decided that everything he had thought up to this point was complete and utter bullshit.

Light studied L's face. Even in sleep, he appeared strange. Blue-green veins showed faintly through the pale skin of L's sunken cheeks, and the bags under his eyes looked sickly. L hadn't been eating as much or as often as usual. Without Watari around to deliver pastries, L had been living off of the desserts Matsuda's mother packed in the silly man's lunch box, and the sweets that Soichiro brought for him with Light's meals. This, coupled with the more extreme lack of sleep (it wasn't just staying awake for productivity anymore, L was actually suffering from insomnia,) contributed to L's rapidly deteriorating mental and physical health. Light had known L was suffering internally. But Light didn't want to do anything about L's issues until L admitted them to himself.

Light wasn't comfortable around L, now that L was actually facing real personal hardships instead of far off criminals. Light was worried, but not the affectionate worry he was used to feeling for the owlish man. Light was worried in a more clinical way- the result of taking far too many psychology classes in high school. Light was worried that L would do something un-L-ish, something stupid or violent or rash, and become a danger to himself and others. Light was worried L would become textbook-definition mental.

But L hadn't. L was here, right in front of Light, safely wrapped up in blankets and sleeping (like a child) on the bed.

So why did everything feel wrong?

L shifted in his sleep, pulling the comforter closer to himself. Light moved his chair closer to the bed so that he could wake L up, because Light was getting restless and needed to talk to L.

Him.

"Ryuuzaki?" Light said, uncertainly, "Please wake up." He touched L's face, brushing hair away from L's closed eyes awkwardly. The man was warmer, now.

Light jumped at the sound of the door opening, and prayed to God it wasn't-

"Is Ryuuzaki alright?" Misa was in the doorway, suddenly rushing to the bed as well and gabbing loudly. "Oh, he looks so cute when he's sleeping! Ryuuzaki should sleep more often!" She pulled up a chair next to Light and sat down, bubbliness spilling over.

"Misa, what are you doing here?"

"Misa was worrying about Ryuuzaki, duh!" Misa's aura suddenly shifted to a more fitting somber when she looked at Light.

Light was quite obviously distraught.

"I was worried," Misa said softly, tearing her eyes from Light and back to L, "that he might be sad, or something. I had this feeling that something was wrong."

"I wonder what that feeling was."

"Intuition, I guess." Misa said sweetly. She also, apparently, succumbed to the uncontrollable urge to pet L's hair in an affectionate manner. "I also felt bad."

"Why would you feel bad?"

"Promise not to laugh?" Misa asked. Light nodded, so she told him,"You know the snow dog? It was originally supposed to be Ryuuzaki..."

Light did laugh, but it was short because of the glare Misa gave him, and they soon lapsed into silence.

Misa turned to Light, "Light, what's wrong? It's about Watari, right?"

Ah, Misa. "Yes, it has to do with Watari."

"He misses him."

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

"What, Misa?"

"I never thought I would say this," Misa said, "But, Light, please be nice to Ryuuzaki."

Light was silent and Misa sat back in her chair and sighed. She then took Light's free hand in hers and massaged his fingers. "Don't let this get to you, Light. He'll be okay."

"I hope so."

Misa nodded and then turned back to L. She kneeled next to the sleeping man, and then kissed him, chaste and on the lips. Light raised an eyebrow.

L stirred, but Misa left before he could see her.

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><p><strong>Hmm... the kiss at the end is new today. I wonder what you guys think of it ;)<strong>

**ANYWAY I hope you guys like this arc, and there's more to come (one more, to be exact). I LOVE YOU ALL :3**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	15. Clean

**The review reply feature is still completely screwed up, so thanks to everyone who reviewed :) You guys are the REASON I WRITE and I love you all!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the fifteenth :)**

* * *

><p>15. Clean<p>

"Light-kun?" L sat up. "Did you-"

"You're awake." Light was sitting on a chair next to the bed L had been sleeping in. "How are you feeling?"

"I am fine."

Light, at this point in time, gave L a look. It wasn't a glare, really, but it wasn't a very happy look either. It wasn't a smile, but it wasn't completely sad. It was sort of a jumble of emotions, all of which Light was feeling.

Light, next, gave L a hug. It wasn't a tight, constricting hug, but it wasn't a halfhearted hug either. It was sort of strong and happy, and also desperate and despairing, and caring, and close, all combined.

Then, Light mumbled a few words into L's back which L heard but can't seem to remember now.

And L cried again, but just a little. Light said that was okay.

And then L cried more, because it was okay.

Things happened, afterwards. Misa hugged L (and it was tight and constricting), and then Light's dad brought in some danishes and other pastries every morning, and they found the coat closet, and Misa bought a real puppy and named it Quillish (she would've given the puppy to Ryuuzaki but he didn't seem to like the animal very much, though he appreciated the gesture), and some kisses occurred (but that's for later), and Aizawa took over the security office and Matsuda became L's driver and they never caught Kira (because Higuchi was dead), and Light eventually threw out his old watch when L bought him a new one as a thank you for being so kind.

And everyone lived happily ever after, the end.

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><p><strong>THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE DRABBLES! But this is the end of the Watari arc. So... yeah.<strong>

**I hope you all liked it! Now we're back to the usual schedule!**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	16. Despair

**... :'(**

**Well... I guess last chapter didn't really deserve any reviews... it kinda sucked... but STILL! Gawsh!**

**lol but I still love you all!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the sixteenth:) I hope you guys like THIS one!**

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><p>16. Despair<p>

If there's one thing L has learned about social interactions, it is that there is a time for everything. There is a time for laughing (but don't laugh too long), there is a time for screaming (but don't scream high-pitched), there is a time for 'I'm sorry' (but make it sincere), there is a time for 'I love you' (but never, never fall in love).

L snarls down at Light, who is begging on his hands and knees for L to return to him, after all of the abuse, the fighting, the stinging words, the manipulation-

"Please! I love you! _You_! _Damn_ it! I'm the only one who _accepts_ you! There is no one else in the entire fucking world who will do what I've done for you and you _know _it!"

L wants to say yes. L wants to fall into Light's arms and feel safe and warm and loved and needed- even while being dragged down emotionally, mentally, and physically.

There is a time for forgiveness (but this is not one of those times).

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	17. Stares

**Hi guys! Sorry I'm late!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the seventeenth :) **

* * *

><p>17. Stares<p>

L and Light went bowling together, once. During the time they were handcuffed, L brought up in conversation their tennis match and how he was curious if he could win at some other sport. Light, always eager to accept a challenge from his rival, suggested a nearby alley, and Watari drove, saying something about how "Ryuuzaki doesn't have a license in Japan, Light can't drive for security reasons, and you two fight so much that even if it was legal it would be unsafe."

After raising the stakes on the car ride there (what exactly the stakes were raised to is irrelevant), they (Light) thanked Watari for the ride and entered the building. They received two pairs of bowling shoes, and Light is surprised because L either has suddenly grown clown feet or prefers shoes three sizes too big.

"I must warn you, Light-kun, I have bowled a perfect 300 before." L says, and Light rolls his eyes.

L insists on programming the lane, and Light doesn't pay attention to what his chain-mate is doing because whichever idiot used the shoes before Light made a huge knot in the laces.

After putting on the shoes and setting up the lane, they began scanning the racks for good-sized bowling balls. Light found something of a medium, L found a 16 pound ball. Light gave him a queer look, because the detective's hands shook as he carried the heavy ball back to the lane. How would he_ bowl_ with it?

But then Light supposed that this was_ L,_ the same man who crouched when he sat. He probably wouldn't put his fingers in the holes or something else queer like that.

Then Light notices that, according to the scoreboard, it's not L and Light, bowling, it's L and Kira. After shooting L a glare, Light tells him to fix the names before Light gets back from bowling the first ball, or else. L doesn't smirk at Light but it's implied. They then realize the six feet of chain doesn't allow one of them to bowl and one of them to program the lane at the same time, so L resorts to standing next to Light as the younger man bowls.

Light bowls a spare.

After the slash symbol flashes across the screen twice, there is a buzzing sound from the lane and, lo and behold, the bumpers are raised._ Of course,_ Light thinks.

But then L scans the other lanes as if looking for something, and Light is dragged off behind him as L makes a beeline for something five lanes to the left, narrowly avoiding a plump lady with her fingers stuck in the ball and a little kid bouncing a completely-out-of-place tennis ball (which Light stares at longingly, because this whole bowling thing is becoming quite a hassle).

Then Light bumps into the back of L, who has found... a ball ramp. The kind that very small children and people in wheelchairs use to bowl.

L lifts the ramp with ease and begins toting the large metal structure back to their lane, once again narrowly missing plump lady (who by now is screaming and flailing wildly with her one free hand) and tennis ball kid (whose ball has fallen into and clogged one of the ball return machines). Light follows, agape.

When they return to the lane, L gives Light a small half-smile before pushing the 16 pound ball down the ramp, where it rolls leisurely down the lane, bounces of the bumpers like a pinball machine, and then hits the first pin at the perfect angle.

L rolls a strike.

Every. Single. Time.

"There has got to be a rule against this." Light says, ten minutes and five not-nearly-as-perfect-as-L frames later.

"Not in recreational bowling. Care for some ice cream?"

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	18. Tactile

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the eighteenth :) **

* * *

><p>18. Tactile<p>

Misa bought L a weighted jacket because she believes L is an autistic savant. She believes L is an autistic savant because she has a friend whose little sister is autistic and wears weighted jackets in occupational therapy, and that friend (after listening to Misa's rants about the strange detective) "diagnosed" L and told Misa to buy him a weighted jacket. So that's why Misa bought L a weighted jacket.

Misa wants L to wear said jacket, and L says no because L has some kind of tick that he always needs to wear a white long-sleeve shirt and jeans, no more, no less. Misa tries to tackle L and force the jacket on him, but L has been trained in some obscure kind of martial arts and Misa is no match for him. So Misa uses the only power she has over L: the fact that he is friends with her boyfriend.

"Don't make me do this, L."

"I'm not making you do anything, Light-kun."

Light is walking towards L carefully as if L is a wild animal, the heavy jacket in one hand. L is backed up in the corner of the room.

"Misa will kill me if I don't do this. Besides, I don't understand what the big deal is. It's just a jacket."

"Wearing the jacket will convince Amane-san that I am mentally disabled!"

"Are you not?" Light comes closer.

"No!" L screams, eyes frantic.

"Then prove it. Put on the jacket."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"L, please! This is ridiculous."

"I don't need a jacket!"

This is when Light realizes L isn't just being stubborn. His eyes are shut tight and his hands blocking his ears and he's not crouched, he's kneeling...

"I am NOT mentally ill!"

Light kneels down in front of the hysterical detective and tries to get his attention by placing a hand on his shoulder. "L," he says softly, and L's eyes fly open as if from a nightmare.

"Yes, Light-kun?" says L but his voice shakes.

"Are- are you alright?" His grip tightens on L's shoulder, "Is something wrong?"

"No," L says too quickly, "There's nothing wrong."

"You're pale."

"There's nothing wrong with me."

Light doesn't argue because L's lower lip is trembling.

"Tell Amane-san I am not autistic."

L walks quickly past Light and out of the room, and Light sighs and rests his forehead against the wall.

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	19. Commit, Classic

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews!**

**I'm thinking about expanding on last chapter, but not right now. I agree with KaidaDragon, in that, though I don't think it would've fit last chapter, I'd like to see Light being more sympathetic towards L.**

**But I think what might be more interesting would be L dealing with the ignorant patronization of his team... hmm...**

**I'll let you guys know if I come up with anything :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the nineteenth :) **

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><p>19.A Commit<p>

"L? I- I mean, Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes, Matsuda?"

"What percentage is Light at?"

"Eighty-two point seven."

"Hmm..."

"Is something wrong, Matsuda-san?"

"Well, it's just that I don't understand why you won't commit yourself to Light being Kira."

L turns away from his laptop to actually look at Matsuda. "Excuse me?"

"Well, 82.7% is a big number. You're more than halfway sure. If I was in your position, I would put Light back into confinement, just to be on the safe side. But you haven't taken any extra precautions with the rising percentage."

"Matsuda, I-"

"There are only two logical explanations for your lack of action. One, you don't want to convict Light. That is highly unlikely, but the second possibility is equally ridiculous; that you aren't as sure about Light as your percentage implies."

There is silence for a moment or two as everyone stares at Matsuda.

"Or," Light interjects, head peeking out awkwardly at L and Matsudal from behind his computer monitor, "L just has commitment issues."

Nearly everyone in the room suddenly now remembers that, no matter how stupid Matsuda comes across as, he is still a detective.

* * *

><p><strong>And now, for a special apology for being late, I give you 19.B<strong>

* * *

><p>19.B Classic<p>

"If you want me, you have to catch me!"

"Nobody wants you, Misa."

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><p><strong>Hehe I've always wanted to post that 3<strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	20. Equation

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews!**

**This one, if it's not obvious enough, I wrote during math class. You know, because I can't doodle on top of my quadratic equations and graphs, so I have to write random oneshots.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twentieth :) **

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><p>20. Equation<p>

In mathematics, the difference between an equation and an expression is that an equation uses an equals sign. An equation actually means something, while an expression just... exists. Pointlessly.

L is wondering if the _kisses_ (the word is strange in his mind) he and Light have shared actually add up to anything, or if they were simply what they were- isolated expressions of a (not-so) platonic friendship.

Equation, expression...

Light's lips met his softly, comfortably. L idly wondered if this was the new normal.

But L once read a clinical study which discovered that a person first becomes "used to" an action once it is performed twenty-one times.

_Eighteen,_ he thought._ Seventeen plus one equals eighteen._

Another kiss.

_Eighteen plus one equals nineteen._

Again.

_Nineteen plus one equals twenty..._

_Twenty-one._

L hissed out something of an expletive, and Light chuckled hoarsely before reclaiming his lover's lips ferociously.

_Twenty-two... Twenty-three... Twenty-..._

An expression? Or an equation.

_Twenty-five..._

Things were getting complicated.

* * *

><p><strong>Lawliet's got a <em>boyfriend <em>hehe!**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	21. Hope

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-first :) **

* * *

><p>21. Hope<p>

"So, you really think you can defeat Kira?" Light asks, voice subtly sensual, deep and warm, from across the room. He is toying with the Death Note, fingers playing with the pages absentmindedly. He is putting L on edge. He likes to put that bastard detective on edge. He likes to see him flinch.

Kira has been held captive for far too long.

L sits up a bit in his chair, spins it around to face Light from across the room. L's eyes look deep into Light's. The detective smiles- a real, true, giddy smile- and says, "Yes."

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	22. Do you like

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews! I can't believe we hit 80!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-second :)**

* * *

><p>22. Do you like...<p>

L likes strawberries and cream and danishes and chocolate and biscuits and sometimes peaches but never milk. Well... some milk is okay. But not plain milk, especially not skim milk. Milk is not good.

Light likes the food that his mother makes and the food that is set in front of him. Contrary to popular belief (or, at least, the belief of L) he does not like barbecue potato crisps. He has never liked those. The barbecue gets on his fingers and is nearly impossible to get off. But Light will eat barbecue potato crisps if necessary. But he definitely doesn't like milk. Milk is the one food he will never consume.

But, you see, the power has gone out. And they are alone, except for Watari. And Watari is lactose intolerant.

And the milk is going bad.

So they drink the milk. While drinking the milk, L mourns the fact that he always makes Watari bring fresh ice creams and popsicles. This means that the only thing that needs to be consumed before going bad is the disgusting milk.

Meanwhile, Light, in the light of the flashlight, is noting that L's skin is the same color of the milk in the glass. But then he focuses on something else, and begins to tell L to stop whining. They are both then silent, except for the sipping of the glasses.

This is how the night goes. No milk moustaches, no fluffy warm milk before bed, no bubbles. It is no wonder that neither have a fondness for milk. There is nothing special about milk. Milk is not sweet. It doesn't make things any less awkward. It's not warm. It tastes like nothing. Milk is not even refreshing. Milk is sad.

When the carton is empty, Light frowns. It is more pronounced on his face, thanks to the flashlight, and L inquires as to what is wrong.

"It's nothing." Light supplies, even though he is suddenly struck with an inexplicable sense of sadness.

"Are you unhappy?"

_Yes. And you are, too, aren't you?_ Because Light watches L for a moment when L glances at the empty carton sadly.

Light sighs.

Milk. _Life is meaningless._

"L?"

"What?"

"Come here. Kiss me."

L's eyes turn down for a moment. He doesn't look at Light when he walks around the table, around the empty milk carton and the milk-stained glasses, past the flashlight. Light sits up when L slows down, takes the detectives hand gently and leads him the rest of the way into the dark.

L looks up, and his eyes are depressing and sad and empty and altogether despondent. Light feels just the same.

"Why?" L asks.

"I'm tired. You're tired. The milk was rancid. Why not?"

L kisses Light this time, and it cheers them both up, if only a little. And then Light laughs a little at the absurdity of the situation, and L smiles a little bit but not a lot because he is quite focused on recapturing Light's mouth.

Which, of course, makes it all the more obnoxious when, the next day, they both toughen out their stomachaches (food poisoning, surely) by working on their goals of killing each other.

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	23. Gravity

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews! Yeah... I'm a little behind :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-third :)**

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><p>23. Gravity<p>

If Light is the Sun then L is the Moon... but no. That isn't right. Sun and Moon work in perfect harmony, not to mention that the Sun and Moon analogy is ridiculously cliche.

If Light is the land then L is the water... no, that doesn't work either because the land and the water are full of life and that doesn't sound like L and Light.

If Light is the light then L is the dark... but Light is a very dark person and L is the triumph of good over evil so...  
>Light is Light and L is L.<p>

That's about as interesting as it gets.

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	24. Voice

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-fourth :)**

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><p>24. Voice<p>

Light can sing.

L would know this if he had remembered that night, early on when they were only just handcuffed, when Light had touched his cheek with soft fingers and sung him to sleep with a french lullaby. But it had been late and L had only been half awake and so he didn't remember.

Anyhow, Light was a talented singer, and today was one of the rare days where he was in a good mood. And, so, he was singing quietly to himself as he read through files on the computer. His voice was warm and strong, the song simple, the words clear. L watched Light's lips move and listened intently.

Light apparently noticed L's staring because he suddenly stopped, cleared his throat nervously, and grunted out an apology.

"No," L said in a bewildered voice, "no need to apologize, listening to you sing is quite pleasant."

Light glanced at him, expression a blunt "what the hell?", and then clicked his fingers absently. He turned away from L and didn't sing anything.

L didn't want Light to stop singing, but Light was an eighteen year old imprisoned because he was suspected of being a serial killer.

So L might just be feeling a bit of honest guilt. Maybe. Because serial killers don't sing.

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	25. Protocol

**Hi guys! Yes, I know I have been late for a while, and so I'm going to take a break after this one so that I can restock on my drabbles :) I'll be back within the month, don't worry! Thank you all so much for the reviews! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-fifth :)**

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><p>25. Protocol<p>

Why do people call the string part of a necklace the chain? Well, some necklaces are made from a series of links, like chains. This is why jewelry often breaks; every once in a while the weakest link gives way. With a strong enough tug, the same can be done with a chain.

This is a skinny chain.

And, Light thinks, he and L are strong people.

"L, please let go of me."

"I cannot."

"Please? I won't go anywhere."

"The minute I let go of Light-kun, he will run."

"I'm trying to prove my innocence! Why would I-"

"I will not accept suggestions from suspects."

With a sigh, Light glanced at the near bedpost. That stupid metal framework started this whole mess by snapping the chain.

Light sits on the bed and L, arms locked awkwardly around Light's middle, follows.

"So," Light mutters, "this is your_ only_ back-up plan?"

"Until the task force arrives with better handcuffs, yes." L somehow finds a way to sit next to Light without letting go. "In case Light-kun hasn't noticed, I have been quite busy."

Light sighed again. It wasn't a full sigh because L was fiercely determined to not let Light go, and his thin arms were strong.

L's hair brushed Light's chin.

Then it dawned on Light.

_Ah, L, you brilliant, brilliant bastard._

Light, after much struggling, managed to slide his arms out of L's death grip, and then Light wrapped his own arms around L.

"So," Light surmised, "This means that for the next eight or so hours, you will be hugging me?"

L froze with the sudden realization that this was a terrible back-up plan.

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><p><strong>Drop a review, please :)<strong>


	26. Apology

**I looked at the date yesterday morning and swore. XD**

**Hi guys! I know it's been awhile (and I'm going to disappoint you in a few moments) but I'm back! The thing is, though, things didn't turn out quite as I planned... ****I DID write some more drabbles. Just not a lot of them. ****I have a bunch planned, but my fanfiction writing time was being taken up by my BBxL ffic in-progress (I'm really proud of it; when I post I'll let u guys know.) So I think I have... uh... probably about five or six drabbles to be posted, and after those I'll just post when I write them. **

**Speaking of writing them, unsigned reviewer "llight" was my 100th review! * balloons, cake, kazoos wailing * :) So I will be writing the drabble s/he suggested at some point in the near future! Yaay!**

**Ummm so today we have one of the ones that I'm actually proud of, and on monday I have my favorite of the lot, and then we'll see where we go from there :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-sixth :)**

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><p>26. Apology<p>

"Light, this is ridiculous. You need not hover over my shoulder." L was crouched on the bed, on top of the covers, and staring at an empty Microsoft Word document.

"Would you write it if I _wasn't_ hovering over you?"

"Seeing as you've threatened to _lick_ me (which, by the way, is absolutely _absurd,)_ I'd say yes."

"It may be absurd, but it works. You _hate _saliva."

L had no response to that, but Light caught the involuntary shudder of disgust roll down his back.

"So," Light said, "the letter?"

L gingerly sat the laptop on the bed before turning his whole body around, as if trying to block the laptop from Light's line of sight. "Do you truly believe this sort of thing is necessary?"

L knew the answer to that, he was just procrastinating. "Well," Light said thoughtfully, "You were kind of an asshole to him."

"I taught him a lesson."

"Yes, and he will now be paranoid all of his life. I'm sure he's grateful." Light said.

L pouted. Light took L's shoulders and guided him to turn back around to face the computer.

_Dear Aizawa,_

"That's a nice start."

"I might have to ask you to leave the room."

"We're handcuffed."

"_You, _Light-kun, are handcuffed, and could be handcuffed to any number of things." L paused, and then winced.

Light resisted a snicker, "That didn't come out quite the way you intended." Light sat up, reached over L's shoulder, and pressed the "enter" key, then "tab." "Go on, keep going."

"Light-kun going out of his way to press the buttons on _my personal laptop _seems to indicate an obsessive desire to control me."

"Hmm." Light grinned, "To control L..."

"Excuse me?" L spat.

"Nevermind, you're just procrastinating."

A smirk crossed L's lips, "Perhaps. Would Light-kun like any refreshments?"

"Now you're just being obnoxious. Come on, it's just a letter."

L crossed his arms in front of his chest and physically distanced himself from the laptop.

Light smirked, "You really don't want to do this, do you?"

"People who have regrets write apology letters." L said.

Light was astonished, "So you don't feel remorse for lying to Aizawa?"

"None at all."

L stared defiantly into Light's eyes, expecting Light to counter, but Light turned away in disgust. Light _hated _injustice in the same way L hated saliva. Injustice, for Light, was something that put him on edge, made his entire body tense, reduced his mind to an anxious puddle until the issue was resolved. And what happened with Aizawa, _watching _what happened to Aizawa, made Light very angry with L. But Light knew it would do no good to fight about it, so instead he had told L to write this letter to Aizawa.

It wasn't so hard. Just a few lines would be enough- any more would be out of character for the arrogant detective. And yet...

Here L was, claiming he hadn't done anything wrong. And Light's skin was crawling.

He smiled to block the anxiety and L gave him a strange look. "Well that's pleasant. You don't feel bad at all?"

"No."

Light moved behind the laptop to face L, seriously, "L, you forced a man to choose between saving the world and providing for his family. Aizawa's not a superhero, he shouldn't have to make a decision like that- and he _didn't _have to make a decision like that, except you made him choose anyway."

L didn't respond.

"You made a grown man weep." Light said gravely.

L turned back to the computer and put his hands on the keys.

"Thanks." Light murmured, and crawled back around to watch over L's shoulder.

_Dear Aizawa,_

_ I apologize_

Light, once again bright-eyed, asked, "Don't you think that's a bit soon to say those magic words?"

"Now Light-kun is becoming intolerable." L growled frustratedly.

Light leaned forward seriously, "No, really, don't you think that you should precede that with... I don't know, what you did wrong?"

"You mean, to put it in your words, 'Dear Aizawa, I was an asshole and I am sorry.'" L said bluntly.

"Well, not exactly." Light said, "More like, "my actions the other day were insensitive and I am sorry."

"Would you like to write the letter yourself, Light-kun?"

"Alright, alright. Go on. Write."

_Dear Aizawa,_

_ I apologize for my actions on October 7th, 2004._

"That's specific."

L paused and then turned around to Light again. "I don't know what to write." His eyes were wide as if he was surprised about this, and Light put out a hand and smoothed down L's hair- a hand that wasn't _really _welcomed, but L let him in anyway.

"Maybe just think about how the situation made you feel, and write about that?"

"I felt nothing."

"You felt nothing?" Light repeated dubiously. "How did you feel when Watari came onto the computer and called you out?"

L let out a small sigh, "I felt angry at Watari."

"There you go, that's it. Now how did you feel about Aizawa?" Light pulled L backwards onto his lap. L snarled silently but Light knew (or, at least, hoped) it was because of Aizawa's actions and not his own.

"You and I both know that Aizawa should have been with his family." L mutters, and Light makes a mental note of how L uses "you and I" as if he's searching for Light's support on the matter- support that Light isn't quite willing to offer, because L had been very wrong that day. "My actions nearly resulted in him leaving of his own accord, his only regret being that he couldn't help more than he did. He almost chose to be with his family because he was recognizing that they needed him. But, due to Watari's meddling, Aizawa left to be with his family because he wanted to be away from me. This resulted in his being right but for the wrong reasons."

"L, it doesn't really fit in my understanding of you that you would care about Aizawa's reasoning, so long as he ended up where you wanted him."

L shifted so the side of his face rested on Light's chest, "My perfectly formulated plans were ruined. Should I not care?"

"That's something both you and Aizawa have in common- you both do the right thing for the wrong reasons. He, going home to his family, you, helping Aizawa. You just did this because you were bored, didn't you?"

"Light-kun believes I do not care about the young children who miss their father."

"You don't even acknowledge them. Collateral damage; small in the big picture."

"Have faith in my capacity for human sympathy." L demanded.

"It is much more challenging to than it should be." Light admitted, "You should really be writing this."

"I don't want to." L whined, fingers petting the front of Light's shirt.

Light sat up, forcing L to sit up as well. "Go on, write."

"But-"

"Just a few lines. That's all that's necessary; Just a few lines."

L grunted something inarticulate and leaned over the computer once more.

_Dear Aizawa,_

_ I apologize for my actions on October 7th, 2004. Withholding information about your employment was unacceptable, especially because it led to your resignation. _

"You should say something about how you understand why he made his choice, and clarify that you aren't asking him to return to his job." Light suggested.

_Dear Aizawa,_

_ I apologize for my actions on October 7th, 2004. Withholding information about your employment was unacceptable, especially because it led to your resignation. I understand why you chose to resign, and I am not requesting you return to my employment._

"Now what?" L asked, and Light shrugged.

"You did your best. Just try to... uh, finish it off. Closing statement."

_Dear Aizawa,_

_ I apologize for my actions on October 7th, 2004. Withholding information about your employment was unacceptable, especially because it led to your resignation. I understand why you chose to resign, and I am not requesting you return to my employment. Thank you for your service, and I do hope we will work together again someday._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Ryuuzaki_

Light clapped a hand on L's back, who bristled at the gesture of affection but tried to hide it. "Congratulations, you have officially been promoted to the social ranks of actual human beings." Light exclaimed emphatically.

"I accept my promotion humbly." L mumbled grumpily.

"I have to know, though," Light asked, in all seriousness, "do you feel any remorse at all?"

"No." L said simply.

Light sighed in an exhausted fashion and fell backwards onto the bed.

L turned around to see over his own shoulder, and he gave Light this _stare._ This analyzing see-into-your-soul _stare_ that was L deep in thought. And then- "Well," L said quietly, "Maybe. A little. Three percent."

Light, eyes still closed in exhaustion, smiled softly. And then he pulled L down to kiss him.

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><p><strong>Soooo Today's and monday's are pretty long, and I think I might also repost Monday's as a separate oneshot. I'd really like to know what you thought :) <strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	27. Hurt

**Hi guys! Like i said (read: think i mentioned... maybe...) posting will be lazy. Still existent! But... lazy. There are so many fandoms out there, and my focus is drifting from Death Note a bit. Doctor Who, anyone? And Fruits Basket (* hides shamefully *)? And, of course, my BBxL, AxBB stuff. Yes.**

**So yeah. Still love you all ;) Just... slow.**

**Anyhow, super proud of this one. It has nothing to do with romance whatsoever, nor does it have anything to do with L or Light... But I really like it. So I apologize if you don't like it but no flames cause I worked hard :P **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-seventh :)**

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><p>27. Hurt<p>

Light accidentally dropped a stack of papers. They made a loud slapping noise on the floor, and Aizawa saw Matsuda flinch. Then, later, Watari dropped a metal spoon onto his metal dessert cart and it garnered a similar reaction from the young police officer. But Aizawa didn't think much of any of it until someone turned on the television, and the large machine let out a sound of gunshots- a police chase was being broadcasted on the local news- and Matsuda was gone.

No one asked any questions when Aizawa left the room in search of his colleague.

Matsuda, ever predictable, was in his apartment on floor 16. Aizawa had never been in Matsuda's temporary "home" before, because they weren't what one would call "friends" outside of work. Matsuda was annoying and Aizawa didn't like him very much.

Now, however, Aizawa was standing in Matsuda's apartment. There were no lights on, but Aizawa could still feel the homey ambiance of the room, and notice the marks of a bachelor's home. Firstly, the television in front of the couch in the living room was on but muted. It was the news, but obviously not to be watched. It was the only light in the room, illuminating Matsuda, seated on the edge of the couch, elbows resting on his knees, face in his hands, back arched. Matsuda was wearing a t-shirt for an English band Aizawa didn't recognize, and blue and green plaid flannel pants. There was something utterly surreal about this; seeing Matsuda, the moronic buffoon of a detective but a detective nonetheless, acting so _civilian._ Matsuda might not be very bright, but he was nothing if not professional. This apartment, Matsuda acting domestic, was very personal. Something about that made Aizawa's stomach churn.

Matsuda looked up at Aizawa and rubbed his eyes. "Aizawa-san!" he exclaimed.

"Hi." he said, "Are you alright?"

The question hung between them for a moment or two. Matsuda ran a hand through his hair nervously and glanced up at the television more than once. He then stood up, alarmed, "Oh! I'm so rude! Welcome, have a-"

"It's okay. You're under a lot of stress. I understand." Aizawa leaned forward and was about to move to sit down next to Matsuda on the couch but then realized that that would make things more personal and, therefore, more uncomfortable for the both of them. Instead, he simply stood there.

Matsuda stood up instead, quickly turned on a few lights, and leapt into the kitchen. Aizawa followed and was about to tell Matsuda there was no need when the younger detective materialized in front of him and shoved a steaming mug into his hands.

"Hot chocolate." Matsuda supplied as an explanation. Their fingers were touching and Matsuda wasn't letting go of the mug; he was staring off into space, completely and utterly flustered.

"That was fast." Aizawa took the mug and stepped backwards, and Matsuda snapped out of his haze, flushed, and turned his attention to the machine on the counter.

"It's an instant coffee maker. Watari installed it."

"This isn't coffee." he took a sip of the hot liquid, smooth down his throat.

"Well..." Matsuda fumbled with the machine. "It can do... other things." The machine spurted out boiling liquid onto Matsuda's palm and he yelped, quickly turning it off.

Aizawa's eyebrows knit as he made himself comfortable on a barstool. "You seem distracted."

Matsuda's head whipped up cartoonishly, "What? Me? Distracted? No, not me! I'm never-"

"You've gotten the whole floor wet."

Matsuda looked down at the puddle of water around him and mumbled a curse, opening a drawer and pulling out a towel. His pajama pants were getting wet, as were his socks. The t-shirt hugged Matsuda's back and spine. "Today has just not been my day." Matsuda whispered, half to himself. Aizawa nodded even though he knew Matsuda couldn't see him.

"I'm sorry." Aizawa condoled. "Can I help?"

Matsuda looked up at Aizawa, "Huh?"

"With the floor. Can I help you clean up the floor?"

"Er- no, uh, I've got it." Matsuda finished mopping up the water, but his towel was wet and left little droplets on the floor. Matsuda ignored them- the job wasn't perfect but it was done. His eyebrows were creased and that worried Aizawa, because Matsuda was very young and shouldn't have that little wrinkle in the middle of his forehead.

He managed to get onto the barstool next to Aizawa in a somewhat drunken fashion, one hand palm-down on the counter to steady himself, the other clutching his own mug of hot chocolate.

They sat at Matsuda's counter for awhile in silence. Because Matsuda had only just moved in, Aizawa had expected the apartment to be rather simple and practical, with very little personal belongings. Aizawa was wrong, though. Matsuda had had the apartment painted, dark blues on the walls in the living room and bedroom, and a warm harvest yellow in the kitchen. There were a few magnets on the refrigerator: something from a tourist shop in Tokyo, "I love NY." A religious quote was holding up a picture of an elderly lady whom Aizawa vaguely recognized, from her infrequent visits to the police station to see her grandson.

Aizawa, at this point, realized that his only knowledge of Matsuda was that Matsuda himself supposedly had no knowledge.

He wasn't touching his drink, but Matsuda was taking silent sips of his. Aizawa looked over to Matsuda and remarked, "You look pale." Matsuda did look pale, and he was staring at the mug emptily in the same way he had been staring at the television earlier. His hands were shaking, and he sat down the mug before he dropped it. And then Aizawa saw that Matsuda's eyes were screwed tight in pain. "What's wrong?"

Matsuda gasped before answering, "J-Just a- a headache..."

"Just a headache?" Panic began to seep into Aizawa's words when Matsuda wouldn't open his eyes.

"Just a migraine." Matsuda hissed, voice surprisingly calm after the struggle to say anything at all. "It'll pass."

"Don't you have medication or something?"

"R-Ran out last week. Didn't want to ask Watari for more 'cause, you know, he was being so h-hospitable."

"Matsuda, that's the point. He was being so hospitable because he wants you to be able to ask him for stuff." Aizawa, in his mind, immediately regretted chastising Matsuda when he should've been asking how he could help.

Matsuda put a finger to his lips pointedly and Aizawa became quiet, sitting awkwardly and watching his colleague deal with his pain, alone.

It was a few minutes that felt like an eternity, but then Matsuda opened his eyes, whispered something about the pain not being as bad as it had been earlier, and, without another word, walked off into the dark living room again and curled up on the couch.

Aizawa got up and followed, forgetting the hot chocolate on the counter. He stood in the empty doorway and saw Matsuda buried in the couch cushions, in the fetal position. His head was on one of the pillows and Aizawa could see half of his face in the light from the still-muted television. "Can I help?" Aizawa asked.

"Blanket."

Aizawa covered Matsuda with the fleece blanket he found on the arm of the couch. He didn't know what to say.

"...'re you just gonna stand there?" Matsuda mumbled into the purple throw pillow.

Aizawa sat down on the firm cushion. Matsuda was curled up very tight, so there was plenty of room for Aizawa to sit in, but there was one part of Matsuda's blanket touching Aizawa's thigh. The cloth burned against his skin, through his trousers. He wanted to shift awkwardly but he worried that Matsuda would notice and- notice... He would notice that Aizawa was uncomfortable and become his usual nervous self on top of the migraine.

Matsuda groaned into the pillow. His face was mostly covered by the blanket, but a few strands of hair and his nose peeked out.

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"Mmm... no. Thanks."

"Okay." But it wasn't okay. Aizawa, being a father, having taken care of sick people, having had migraines himself, knew that there was something he could do. He just-

This was _Matsuda._

Only... Aizawa looked over at the younger man, still and in pain in the light of the television, and it _wasn't _Matsuda. Or, not that Matsuda. Not the boyish man who asks stupid questions and states the obvious. Not the person who is _constantly_ the victim of L's condescension.

(Besides, the rest of the task force probably only dismisses Matsuda because L does, and they want to impress L.)

This was Matsuda, that man who Aizawa could've been friends with.

"Matsuda?"

Matsuda, with effort, picked up his head and made eye contact with Aizawa, and it struck Aizawa that perhaps they already were friends, and he just hadn't realized it. On the muted television the newscast was showing the heart-and-wings symbol of Kira. "Yeah?" Matsuda answered weakly.

"You look... are you cold?"

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><p><strong>Yeah I bet you guys are disappointed or something in me... But I really liked writing this so... <strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	28. Sensitive

**I totally and completely forgot that I finished this one, but everytime I read it I fangirl a little bit inside.**

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: so I finished that bbxL fanfiction if anybody wants to read it! I'm really proud of it!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-eigth :)**

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><p>28. Sensitive<p>

Light has done something terrible.

Light's arms are crossed and his eyes are firmly set forward. L is somewhere behind him but Light is ignoring him, ignoring the chain connecting them. If not for that chain, he would have stomped off to his own room in a huff.

They had gotten into an argument, an enormous argument about Kira and Light's innocence and somehow things had escalated. They had been fighting physically, taunting each other, and finally they had stopped. They were as far away from each other as possible, the chain taught, and they were still making snippy comments, each one cutting deeper than the last.

But now, Light has crossed a line: Light has said something undeniably cruel.

Light has done something terrible.

And, out of the corner of his eye, he can see L, face buried in his hands.

_I don't regret a thing. I said the truth. It's not my fault he can't handle it._

"I hate you." says Light. It's forced. He's not hearing any sobs behind him. He's just not listening. Really not listening.

L doesn't say anything, or if he does, Light doesn't hear him. Light's jaw is clenched and his nostrils are flared and he doesn't feel guilty at all because he was right.

Yagami Light: infallible.

But L is crying. And even though L is wrong, even though L is so,_ so_ wrong, Light feels wrong as well.

Light turns around. L is sitting on the steps like a normal person, or, at least, sort of. He seems to have collapsed. His bare feet are stretched out in front of him, one hand lifted in the air due to the chain, the other covering his mouth in shock, or in order to keep him from sobbing.

At this scene, Light felt equal parts pity and disgust. And he really didn't mean to say "Oh, come on! Don't cry like a child. This isn't preschool, there's no one around for you to garner attention from, L." but it just comes out so much easier than an apology.

L comes at him with teeth bared and fist readied, but Light gets a cheap blow to his stomach before L can get one to Light's face, and L is sent flying across the room, stopped six feet away because of the chain. And then L is on his knees and hacking, trying to catch his breath.

Minutes pass in complete silence.

Light has done something terrible.

Light sits down on the floor, as if in surrender. "I'm sorry."

L clears his throat, but it still sounds hoarse and hurt when he says, "No need to apologize, Yagami-kun, it is obvious I am not your choice company and I understand."

"L..." Light trails off, because Light is completely wrong and how the hell could L possibly make it sound like he deserved this? "That's not true, I-"

"You hate me." L won't look at him.

"No, I don't. What I said, everything I said..." Light tries to move so L will look at him, but L looks away. Light takes L's shoulder and forces him to face forward. Light looks into L's hurt, black-as-night eyes. "I love being around you. I _love_ you."

L's eyes glaze over for a minute, "What does that say about me, that the only person in the world who actually cares about me is also the one person who seems so intent on showing me how useless I am."

"You're not useless."

"Because I am a detective? Kira continues to elude me." L pushes away Light's hands, "Get off of me." He stands up and walks away, trying to create more distance between himself and Light, fingers returning to his lips.

"I'm sorry you feel this way, but I'm not_ trying_ to hurt your feelings." Light snarls, hurt that his apology was rejected and not at all contrite. "Perhaps you're just a_ little bit_ oversensitive."

L spits out the English translation of the word to himself, like fire. "_Oversensitive?_" He whips around to face Light, "Look at me, Yagami! Do you think I am the kind of person who can _afford_ to be oversensitive?"

Light stands up, arms out to his sides frustratedly, "Oh, what the_ hell_ are you on about?"

"You can't even _comprehend_ what it's like to be ridiculed for the way you act, or your age. What it's like to hear your own colleagues condescend you behind your back!"

"What, this is about appearances? _You're_ the one who dresses in pajamas, who acts like you don't give a damn!"

With surprising force, L takes hold of Light's shirt collar viciously, and with his other hand punches Light in the jaw, sending the younger man into the wall. Light uses the wall to propel his foot forward and, in the same general area as before, kicks his shoe into L's stomach. L is on the ground again. Light's lip is split but he wipes off the blood with his sleeve and listens to L's labored breathing.

"I have to dress this way." L whispers, but not softly. L's voice sound's like knives.

"What do you mean?" Light kneels, because L obviously isn't going to stand up.

L's lips form a tight line, and Light knows that there's something he wants to say but he can't find the courage to say it. Light, in a twisted effort to regain some control over the situation, reaches out to brush his fingertips possessively against L's forehead. L, without looking at him, grabs Light's wrist and pushes it away from himself.

Light shifts and leans forward to try to get in L's line of vision. "What do you mean?"

L meets his eyes and there are so much intensity in them that Light wants to flinch away, but he doesn't. "I'm going to die, Light."

"What?"

L's eyes flash, "These men working under me, they're working against Kira but Kira isn't working against them. Kira isn't after them. Kira is after me. Bearing this burden, knowing that at any moment my heart could stop, at any moment I could just... die..." L is rambling, and L rarely rambles. Light notices a the dried tear-streak on L's cheek. "I _have to wear this._ I can't explain..."

L is trembling, and Light doesn't know where all of the anger went.

Light has done something terrible.

They're both sorry. They're both _always_ sorry. Light is sorry for taking the low road, for verbally and physically attacking the man who was fighting to prove him innocent as much as to prove him guilty. Light is sorry for hurting L. And L is sorry for imprisoning Light- Light, who is so brilliant, such a fantastically_ brilliant_ eighteen year-old that he should be outside of this office building, these chains. And L is sorry for hurting Light.

But they keep going around in circles, hating and loving, minute by quick minute, because it is the only way they can stay grounded. Fighting and arguing hurts, but it keeps them focused on the big picture and not the little things: the soft words spoken in the dead of night, the meals together.

No matter how much it hurts, L is L and Light is Kira, and neither have the luxury to relax.

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><p><strong>Again: Go read "Diamond Tears" because I really want some criticism on that. I couldn't get a hold of my beta for that so I'm looking for your opinions and what you think I could improve.<strong>

**As well as what you thought of this one!**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	29. Rain

**Why is it that L and Light are always in the middle of an arguement when I write about them? Ah well. This is just some pointless fluff.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the twenty-ninth :)**

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><p>29. Rain<p>

The only problem was the rain.

Summer had ended and a cold front had moved in over the weekend, and now they were in the back of the limo headed to a meeting who-knows-where, and L knows that Light should've been in a good mood. Light should've been near giddy to get out of the building and into fresh air, Light should have at least let his hand linger on L's shoulder (their own twisted form of a "thank you,") before sliding into his seat.

The only problem was the rain. Light had a tendency to act a bit more melodramatic than usual when it was raining.

Light was staring out the window (as he was wont to when in the limo, rain or shine), with a sort of dark something in the way his lips turned down. He was staring out the window at the endless city passing by, and when there was no city then the endless ocean, and when there was no ocean then the endless metal road signs.

And L was staring at Light, because while Light had a tendency to be melodramatic when it was raining there still must have been something to put him into a melodrama-worthy mood in the first place. What that something was, L couldn't be sure, but he knew that dealing with a moody Light was like walking across a minefield. Every step must be cautious, because L didn't know what would happen if Light blew up.

"Ligh-"

"What do you want?" Light snapped sharply. Light had obviously anticipated L's speaking.

L was silenced. He couldn't bring himself to answer Light, not this Light.

Light, eyes baleful, turned to look over his shoulder at L in the seat next to him. Light was wearing a jacket over his long-sleeved shirt because of the cold, and masculine gloves over his fingers. The collar of the jacket was turned up, and Light seemed particularly menacing. "What?"

"Nothing." mumbled L as he turned out to look through his own window. He had been right, there was something bothering Light, and L was not going to try to address it. It was not L's job to sort through Yagami Light's issues, psychological wounds, past childhood trauma. (It sort of was, though. It sort of was L's job to sort through Light's issues. Which may have prompted L to again ask:) "Light?"

"What is it, Ryuuzaki?" His voice still held that anger, that nameless hostility.

"Is something the matter?" asked L, not at all in the quiet monotone he was supposed to be talking in.

Light made eye contact once more, and L swallowed. "No, of course there's nothing the matter."

"But-" Light turned away and L broke off, unable to think of an end to that sentence._ But wait? But can you just tell me? But can you stop ignoring me? But please?_ The only problem was the rain. If it wasn't raining, L might have been able to talk in complete sentences. (But that wasn't quite fair, to put such blame on the innocent rain.)

Light leaned against his window, and L watched him carefully as the streetlights flew by and the orange light filtered through the window speckled with rain and threw shadows onto Light's skin. L shivered, the muscles in his throat tightening as his teeth were about to chatter. L exhaled, in an effort to stop the involuntary noise-making.

Light heard and turned his head once more to look at L, and an uncomfortable feeling settled into L's stomach.

"Ryuuzaki?" said Light, quietly, and L waited for the explosion.

"Y-yes, Light?"

Light turned around to fully face L, hand going out instinctively to L's shoulder, and it was only then that L realized all of that empty hostility had disappeared. "Are you cold?"

"Ah..." said L, unsure. Here was Light, and perhaps this would be the solution to their dilemma... and Light was never cold...

Light's arm was around L's shoulders before L could decide, and L's cheek was pressed up against the fleece jacket and Light's chest, warmer. L dexterously unbuckled his seat belt so as to nuzzle closer to Light's side, and Light pulled him closer.

The only problem was the rain. Except not really, because melodrama works both ways, and minefields can be cornfields, and Light isn't always as cold as he seems.

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><p><strong>The cornfields line was an unintentional allusion to my good friend Bekeyboo (because I didn't know how to not say cornfields). So Recca if you're reading this... sup, lol.<strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	30. And

**Umm...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the thirtieth :)**

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><p>30. And<p>

It's night.

And normally that would be okay, but he hasn't even spoken to you in three days and it's night.

And his eyes stare at you through the black and blue darkness, reminding you of the pain despite the exit wound. He's in and out and he's gone so fast you can't pull him aside to ask him the time.

And he doesn't know the time. The time it takes you to focus on the little things- the curve of his lips, the warmth of his palms- just to know if he's okay. Well, not just to know if he's okay. Because the curve of his lips sends a tingling to yours and the warmth of his palms sets fire to your chest and it's night.

Three days.

And wouldn't it be easier to just curl your toes in your brown leather shoes and curl your fingers into fists and Brace Yourself, let his presence break over you like a wave and maybe when he's gone you won't have saltwater in your eyes. Wouldn't it be easier to just hide in the bathroom stall of your mind, put your feet on the toilet seat and pretend your not alive.

Wouldn't it be easy- but then he's there in black and blue and your heart skips a beat and you know, you know you haven't done anything to deserve this and martyrdom really isn't your style...

…and then you think your breath tastes like seaweed.

What?

He's not going to kiss you. Three days and it's night and your blood is racing and your cheeks are flushing and he's not going to kiss you. Why would he kiss you? There's a knock knock knock and he's staring at you and it's your fucking heart and where is he because it's been three days and he's going to kiss you and he's got to.

He couldn't tell you the time and the wave wasn't a wipe-out and the bathroom's out of toilet paper and seaweed isn't going to stop him because he owes you.

He goes to sleep.

It's night.

Four days.

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><p><strong>Go to youtube. Type in "Andrea Gibson". Watch.<strong>

**ASDFGHJKL; SHE IS AAAWESOME!**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	31. Crawl

**So I have a whole lot of early crap that I haven't posted because maybe it wasn't good enough or something? Idk. But I like it now. Then later I'll just have gratuitous makeout scenes.**

**(It's 11:27. Don't judge if my sentences make no sense.)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the thirty-first :)**

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><p>31. Crawl<p>

Chief Yagami worries constantly. He worries about his son, his daughter, his wife, and more recently he has been worrying about his coworkers.

He's a worrier. It's one of his many faults.

And right now, he is worried about Watari.

It isn't as if he has some sort of longstanding relationship with the elder man, certainly not, but Chief Yagami does worry about him. Especially now.

Misa lost one of her earrings... her "apartment" has fluffy carpeting... she had the genius idea to invite Watari to find it for her, and ran off before he could tell her no or make arrangements for someone else to find it. The Chief watches on the securities, agape, as Watari gets down on his hands and knees and begins to search for the shiny object.

This can't possibly be easy for the old man. The Chief looks around the work floor at the many able-bodied men surrounding him.

"Light," he calls to his son, "It seems your girlfriend has lost an earring. Would you like to help in finding it?"

"I'd love to, dad, but I already took a break earlier."

"Matsuda-san?"

"Sorry, Chief, real busy."

Chief Yagami sighed deeply. L looked at him strangely. "Yagami-san, I can assure you that whatever you're thinking, it is not necessary. Watari is perfectly capable."

Chief Yagami wanted to say, "But, Ryuuzaki, you of all people should be making sure Watari doesn't have to do this. Why aren't you on your hands and knees instead of your elderly assistant?" but didn't.

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><p><strong>It always sort of bothered me that L was all like "Old man is old. Get me chocolate." all the time. He shoulda been kissing the ground Watari walked on cause that BAMF cleaned up all of L's dirty shit all the time. He was like Neville Longbottom if Neville was old, a butler, and able to shoot a bulls-eye with a sniper gun 300 something feet off of the ground.<strong>

**(Again, 11:27. Don't judge.)**

**Drop a review, please :)**


	32. Dream

**L goes through a bit of personal discovery.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the thirty-second :)**

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><p>32. Dream<p>

It is before anything happened between them. Actually, no, it's before they became comfortable with what's been happening between them.

"Light," L says to the very dark ceiling. The bed is too warm. He's not used to waking up with someone next to him.

"What?" Light whispers groggily.

"I dreamed something wrong."

Light lazily rolls over and his ribs land on top of L's splayed fingers. L pulls his hand away as if he's touched fire. "What did you dream?" asks Light without opening his eyes.

L pulls his legs out from under the sheets and hugs his knees to his chest. It's not a display of submission, it's just that he's bothered in more than one way and... completely uncomfortable with his situation.

"L..." grumbles Light when L doesn't answer.

L squeezes his eyes shut and hides his mouth behind his forearms.

The dream- it wasn't especially wrong, it was just... that... there were things in his dream he didn't wish to repeat. Ethical issues, secrets... handcuffs. And L is a detective, not a teenager so where in hell is this coming from?

Is this who I am? Am I so...

Light's hand ends up on L's side in a sort of half-shove in an effort to get L's attention. "What did you dream?" he asks into the pillow.

L's not uncomfortable with finding sex, buried somewhere deep in his infinite subconscious. L is uncomfortable with finding... some nameless character, whom he is so devoted to that he must look to that person for "permission" or "guidance".

A master.

"L, come on. What is it?" Light's hands are on him now, L grits his teeth because the sensation is incredibly unpleasant and couldn't Light just leave him-

"I dreamed I was another man's dog." L mutters with strong distaste.

"Literally?"

"Figuratively."

"Sexually?"

"..."

Light snorts out of his nose and ends up sitting up, crawling behind L in order to knead the smaller's shoulders. "Alright, then. Why is that a problem?"

"Is that who I am, Light? Do I enjoy submission?" At that word L's whole body tenses. Light can sort of see in the dark but he can definitely feel it in L's shoulders.

Light smiles a bit. "L, you can't control what you dream, and your dreams shouldn't control you. Dreams are just situations made up by your subconscious as a sort of practice for the real world. It's only a reflection on you if you enjoyed the dream." All of that's true, Light read about it. Or something. He's still mostly asleep.

L is silent, despite the tension in his muscles and Light's thumbs rub circles on his skin.

"Did you?" asks Light.

L doesn't answer, but his feet slip on the sheet and his legs slide into a more relaxed, white flag position.

"And, consciously, you're uncomfortable with that idea."

"Shut up." L says. It's not petty when he says it, it carries the hurt in his voice.

Light wants to close his eyes and rest. Instead he gathers as much of L as he can into his arms and hugs the poor confused bastard. "Hey," he says, drowsily.

"Yes?" mumbles L.

"If you're submissive, what does that make me?"

"Seventy-eight percent, Kira."

"'Kay." says Light. when he wakes up in the morning his back hurts, but he wakes up with his chin resting on L's hair so he supposes it's alright.

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><p><strong>Um... i had this dream and it was really awkward i wish i had a seme to share it with ...<strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


	33. I'd give an arm

**Wrote this on sudden inspiration.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the words on the page.**

**So, here's the thirty-third :)**

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><p>33. I'd give an arm...<p>

L likes Light's hair. Ever since L was a small crime-solving child he's been a tactile person and Light's hair is so...

(L's very mathematically minded. He's not much of a wordsmith and he's not good at describing his feelings but if he was he would say that Light's hair was smooth and soft and warm and it calms L more than anything else- even stacking sugar cubes. It's irrational. When Light is just beginning to fall asleep L crouches near his head and begins playing with Light's hair. Light finds this annoying and creepy, but he doesn't understand that those moments, feeling something so soft and being so close to the one person he feels safe around, are what keeps L sane.)

Light likes L's arm. That's a long story- Light had always thought of L as very ghostlike, out there, until their most recent scuffle when Light grabbed L's left arm and...

(Light's also very mathematically minded. He's not much of a wordsmith and he's not good at describing his feelings but if he was he would say that in that moment it suddenly occurred to Light that L is a real person. L is a solid human being, with thoughts that confuse him, instincts that can set him apart, a body that can be cold, feelings that can be hurt, and bones that can be broken. And in that moment, in the middle of some kind of fistfight, Light froze with his eyes locked on where his fingers met L's arm. He kneeled, and without making eye contact he pushed back L's sleeve forcefully to reveal the milky-white skin of the other man's arm. There was a tiny, spidery wrist. The top of L's forearm had soft, down-like hairs, the bottom was even paler skin, smooth with blue-green veins. It smelled natural, good, even, unlike the saccharine scent of L's sugar-stained fingertips. L is human.)

L and Light don't communicate very well (but they do, just not by speech; by words. They notice and appreciate the little things about each other. Light notices that he is calmed by L, by L just being there, by hugging L and listening to his often uneven breathing and sharing the warmth. And L notices that Light is human too, with dreams that can be reached and a heart that can be shattered.)

It's okay, though, that they have trouble communicating verbally. Some things don't need to be expressed in words.

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><p><strong>Lolz shout out to Ratt9 for being a seme.<strong>

**Drop a review, please :)**


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